Monday, January 18, 2010

Rough Going

I am having a really rough time. I know that one of my goals for the year is to sop obsessing about another baby. I am failing miserably! I am somewhere around day 38 with no period in sight. I have done so many preg tests (I really hate to think how much money I have spent), all are negative. This is just so hard. Once my period finally comes I am going back on the pill forever. I talked to Sean about clomid - he said "no way". I had always said that I wouldn't use fertility drugs the second time around, guess we are sticking with that plan.


I found out some news that is bothering me. I friended an ex on facebook. In so many ways I did't want to know about his life but the earthquake in Haiti really brought him to mind. J is Haitian. Anyways, he has a 16 year old daughter, that means he was a daddy when we were dating! He never told me. The relationship was long-distance so it was easy for him to hide things. I remember him buying presents for his baby "niece".... I am now thinking the presents were for his daughter. I am really bothered by this, I would have still dated him knowing he had a child but not to know... And a little TMI but I went against my values because of this man. It just brings me back to how I felt when we broke up and I had to see my Bishop. Ugh! I am going to de-friend him. I never should have looked him up in the first place.

I hate remembering the mistakes I have made in my life...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about the struggles in trying for another. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.

And to find out an ex had a daughter while dating! I would be completely bothered by this as well. I hope you can shake that feeling this must've given you.

Hugs.

Kate said...

Hugs, Mags. Just lots and lots of hugs.

robin said...

I'm sorry about your Facebook revelation. It is hard finding out that people aren't who we thought they were or hoped they were.

I also remember how difficult it was going through all the fertility testing, and the waiting with no success and trying to figure out what to do next. For us foster care and adoption was the answer. It took a lot of prayer and patience and faith to get to that. Good luck!